Monday, October 17, 2011

I had a mid-life crisis in Cleveland

The First Mid-Life Crisis

About 10 years ago I had a mid-life crisis waiting for Southwest flight #1455 from Cleveland to Las Vegas. It was my first one (not flight...but rather mid-life crisis.) This announcement comes over the loud speaker that the flight has been delayed due to storms in St. Louis. Storms? It's June 22 (I remember the day) What storms??? So I'm reading this great book and figure what the's an 8 hour flight ..because this particular flight stops now it will be a 10-12  hour flight. Who cares I've got nothing pending.

Nothing pending how could that be??? I've been busy since I was 11. .What does that mean nothing pending??? I apparently had urgent pendings at the age of 11. I know from pending. I've been pending all my life...........But really I have nothing pending now. How can I go on without pending, and the anxiety from the pending ??? Can I live without pending???

I remember thinking I could call everyone that has left a message on my phone. (I always make calls from the airport.) Okay... let's see who would have called?? my "recovery" pals who think I know something...some never ending work calls , or friends calling to see what I am up to...What am I up to?? are you kidding ?? I'm without pending can I be up to anything ? But alas I didn't want to talk with anyone. "That's strange, " I thought. My whole life is based on catching up. I live for that. I live to check things off my list. I'm the kind of person that thinks that one day everything will be done and I'll sit down and put my feet up and say, ( I don't know what I would say because like the rest of the world I've never gotten to that point.)

And then it hit me...I don't want to return calls .........I don't want to do anything. There's no one I want to talk to and I have been talking all of my life. OH MY GOD I'm having a mid-life crisis in Cleveland waiting for flight #1455 to Las Vegas. I don't want to read my great book or fabulous W magazine. Oh my God I'm ____________ years old (not ready to devulge my age to you yet) and I've paid for enough therapy to open an outlet mall, self-medicated myself into spending 25+ years in a recovery program, groped my way into meaning and purpose, self-evaluated, self-examined, and self whatever into a mid-life crisis? That is what I'm having isn't it?

And then it came to me....I have examined every component of my psyche, but not planned one damn thing in my life. I just rolled. Life happened and I went for it. One gig after another. You gotta roll with it baby.
And when the rolling stopped............
.... I folded...........major meltdown in Cleveland..
not apparent to the naked eye but exceedingly apparent to my soul. I got scared there wouldn't be a second act.
Well, I recovered from Cleveland and then 10 years later............... as in last year...............
another major meltdown. ANOTHER FU--NG MID-LIFE CRISIS. NO NO NO. yes yes yes.

Again nothing pending AGAIN. So no third act????

So I'm here to tell you there is always another act. You want to know what a mid-life crisis is???........besides picking up a blonde and buying a yellow convertible corvette and a new toupe (for males)  and driving fast on a coastal highway wishing you had a different birth certificate and a different divorce attorney.  A mid-life crisis is thinking and almost believing there are no more surprises for you in life....and no next act...the curtain has come down. So I'm here to tell you that the curtain has not come down.
Show up another day
Dare to be surprised
and if that doesn't work
buy an internet radio station.............
I did.

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